I cannot father a child!

Dear Stephanie,

I have low sperm count. I don’t want to go into the medical details but that is what it is. I always tell any woman I am with the truth, but they all leave me eventually. I don’t blame them. Every woman wants her own biological child, but I use to think that maybe one out of the many would stay and believe and have faith with me. I am a good man, women say I am a gentleman. I treat women the way they should be treated, I make sacrifices, I provide beyond their expectations, and I understand their issues and stick through the different confusing phases they usually go through. I’m a romantic. But I’m not getting younger. I’ll be 40 next year. So because of my experience with women I have decided not to tell my present girlfriend about my issue. I love her and I don’t want to lose her just because of something that is really not my fault. I want to propose to her on her birthday (October 10) in a big and romantic way. Sometimes I feel like I should risk it and tell her, but I know she’d walk away like all the others even though she loves me. I have heard many miraculous stories of people like me finally having children. I pray it happens to me, but I need to get married first. Am I doing the right thing not telling her? – Williams

Comments

  1. Grace ibekwe Avatar
    Grace ibekwe

    If you find the right person, she will stand by your side no matter what,just keep praying for God to help you find the right person.

  2. TEE Avatar
    TEE

    Pls do the right thing by tellin her cos if u dnt and she finds out its gonna b bloody.if she loves u,she will stay,and av faith in God cos hez a miracle worker.locate graceville christian centre at the havens maitama abuja and find out abt Gods faithfullness,grace and faith

  3. Cindy Avatar
    Cindy

    Offcourse not. Dear William, u aint doin d rite tin. U may hv a bliss full now, what happnens after 5yrs of marriage nd still no kids. Despite doctors sayin ur both ok. Or wen she eventually finds out. She wud become depressed nd ur wold sharted. Den ur bk to square 1. Pls tell her, if she loves u like she said, she wud stay nd wether the storm with u. Wish u luck.

  4. Dayo Steve Jr. Avatar

    Not the right thing really,if she eventually finds out what your problem is on her own it’ll be heartbreaking. You can make things right before her birthday (october 10). I don’t really know if you believe in God. If you don’t,there are herbs and local stuffs that cure low sperm count related troubles. Check them out,all the best. 🙂

  5. chioma triciakiel Avatar
    chioma triciakiel

    U av to tell her, and if she is ur missing rib..she will not walk away, she will stand by u and wait for God’s miracle to happen.. Believe in God and u will smile at last.

  6. Jennifer Epelle Avatar
    Jennifer Epelle

    I admire your courage, and I also think you should continue to be truthful about your situation. I believe there is someone for you out there who will totally understand your situation and stick with you through it all. It’s better you tell your present girlfriend about your situation because she might eventually leave even after your marriage and that will be the worse, I will advice you tell her the truth, and if she really want to be with you she will not leave. I pray that God will heal you and grant your heart desires.

  7. Mana Avatar

    You have to tell your girlfriend the truth before you get married. Best even before the engagement! If she loves you she will stay with you and together you will find a solution. Artificial insemination is an option or Your adopt a child! It is important that you are honest to your partner! I wish you all the best!

    http://the-finest-in-internet.blogspot.de/

  8. HarmonyAkuh Avatar
    HarmonyAkuh

    Mr. William, do you know that God is bigger than anything you can think of? You have to believe and trust in Him, forget about the medical report, have faith in God.
    Another thing is, tell the lady the truth and clear your conscience for good, if she stays, good, and if not, good. God will surely give you the right partner. Cos when God steps into your situation, the medical report will be suspended forever. Your case is not the worst, just have faith. Always thank/praise God.

  9. Bootylcious diva Avatar
    Bootylcious diva

    For me if she truly love you ,she will stay with ,but first tell her,don’t b self centered ,tell

    her , that is when you will know if she believes in you or not,for me I don’t care about short or low sperm as long as my man will love me,we could adopt ,so dear Williams come marry me Joao,hahahah.

  10. Ayo Avatar
    Ayo

    you are not do the right thing at all. Don’t build the foundation of your marriage on lies just because of the challenges you are facing. as others have said, if she loves you she will bear with you because Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.1 Cor 13:4-7. Again since you believe in miracles, then focus on God who only can rewrite your story.

  11. Eugenia Avatar
    Eugenia

    so sad though. but saying the truth can go a long way of bringing restoration.
    dear brother, say the truth to the lady, and let GOD do the rest. with God all things are possible.

  12. wendy Avatar
    wendy

    I tink u should let her know n decide 2 stay or not, but I want assure u dat urs is not as bad as u make it. All u need in dis matter is total faith in God n a good hospital 2 follow up ur progress, try hospitals like Diff in Asokoro, NISSA PREMIER Jabi or FERTILE AID Gwarinpa all in ABUJA

  13. temitayo Avatar
    temitayo

    If she loves you, she’ll stay with you. But please tell her. There are other options you know, like adoption for instance. Please tell her, so her love for you won’t turn to hatred when she finds out.

  14. priscilla Avatar
    priscilla

    Williams.. Love comes naturally not forcefully… U wud save a broken marriage in telling her. It’s better she’s aware of the issue @ hand than u covering up. As a gentleman, share your problem wit ur lover.

  15. ugonwa Avatar
    ugonwa

    Pls let her know before October 10, if she can stay with u fine….I know of a lady that married a guy that was HIV positive, sadly d guy was a monster n eventually d marriage broke up. D lady did not contact d disease due to her faith. God is still on d throne. U can reach me via my e mail addy.

  16. stepahnie Avatar
    stepahnie

    Trust in God and tell her the truth, if she mearnt for Ɣou she will stay with Ɣou until God perform his miracle. Believe and it will come to pass…

  17. sylvia Avatar
    sylvia

    My dear Williams, i’ll say you’re not doing the right thing not telling your girlfriend the truth. I’ll advice you let her know your status, if she luvs and wants to spend the rest of her life with you she’ll be with you, and you both will look for a solution to this problem. if you tell her now and she leaves you, then she isn’t yours, you both are not meant to be. The right girl will be with you through thick and thin. So tell her before you propose to her. SIMPLE

  18. Basil Avatar
    Basil

    You are talking about faith but you dont believe whats wrong with you is jst a matter of you and God, you can be free from it even right nw that i’m talking to you all you need for you faith to work is first accept that jesus christ died for your sins and resurrected from death for that he has concoured all power even the power of sickness so all you need do is accept him 1st then disbelieve the fact that your a sick stop believing you have low sperm count speak the word of faith declair it I’M FREE FROM EVERY POWER OF SICKNESS AND DISEASES for what ever we speak he makes does with faith if only you can believe that God can heal i tell in one week time after you’ve done what i told you go to your pastor and ask him to lay hands on you and after you pray go to any hospital for test i believe you’ll get a negative result and you can go ahead to share you testimony with your wife to be before october in jesus mighty name.

  19. adeboye abioye Avatar
    adeboye abioye

    you need to let her know still and i believe miracle still happen too.also marriage is not all about having kids or not having… just keep leaving it out

  20. Jenny baby Avatar

    Williams I feel ur pain I rily feel your pain but wat I am going to say is dat u shuld tell her cuz if u dnt and she gets to find out later in d marriage she will neva forgive u,it will be like u hv being hiding secerts frm her and she will find it hard to believe anything you say frm dat point on…I knw it will hurt but if she truly loves u she will stay and hv faith with you and I knw that God will heal u and you will able to father a child…dnt worry I knw dat u will hv ur own child…so frm me to u dnt worry be happy and cast all ur troubles onto d lord.

  21. ifeoma Avatar
    ifeoma

    Pls tell her if she loves u, u will work it out together

  22. Alesha Avatar

    all these women on here saying “if she loves you, she will stay.” if you, the woman, were in his girlfriend’s shoes, are you HONESTLY saying you will stay with him KNOWING that having a child is VERY important especially in the nigerian culture … especially if he told you in the beginning of the relationship??? women have been getting pressure about building a family before they are even married. “when will you get married so i can have grandchildren?” or “what is taking so long? why haven’t you given me grandchildren yet? i want to be a grandma/grandpa.” think about it. i am a woman myself who wants a family. although i want to adopt, i want at least 2 of my own. would i take that risk knowing that he possibly won’t be able to have children? probably not. yes, i am a Christian and i have faith, but that will be a true test of my patience and faith. unless God tells me that He has ordained me to be with Williams or any man in his situation, i will not stay.

    Williams, i feel really bad for what you’re going through, but you are NOT doing the right thing. i know you are in love, and you want to be loved, but you should have told her and you NEED to tell her. each person is entitled to their own choices and if she doesn’t want to be with you because of your situation, that’s HER choice NOT YOURS!! and if she chooses to stay, that’s HER choice as well. all you’re going to do is end up hurting not only her, but yourself because everyday, you both are falling in love with each other (supposing that she loves you) and if she doesn’t want to be with you because of the risk, she will be broken hearted and so will you.

    you talk about faith, but have you thought about having faith that God will send you the RIGHT woman …someone who won’t care about your situation when you tell them? if a woman denies you, she’s not the one. God knows what you’re going through and He has ordained us to be with someone. there are plenty of woman out their who do not want to have children or woman who just want to adopt. let God do the work and stop trying to control the situation because you are NOT God. by taking things in your own hands, you’re saying, “God, i dont need You and You can’t fix my situation so im going to take it from here.” it’s a slap in the face to God. just let Him do the work. i know you want to get married and be with that special someone, but continue to be patient and God will honor that.

    1. Alfy Avatar
      Alfy

      I like this, it makes sense than most, William should read this and think about it.

  23. urmegabson Avatar
    urmegabson

    Life is all abt risk…. Tell her before her bday if she’s your she wil stay if not…. D Bone of ur Bone and the flesh of ur flesh wil come.

  24. Iruka Avatar
    Iruka

    Is not that am discouraging what others are saying, but the fact is that the aim of evry married woman is 2 have her own Biological child, if this guy (WILLIAM) keep telling the truth of his condition that means he will not get married, (he will still remain single) bcos no woman will agree to live with a Man under the condition, even you that advised him to open up will you agree to live?.

  25. princess Avatar
    princess

    Is always better to be truthful specially to someone you claim to love. Aft all their are couples who are medically ok & yet wit no kids. Be strong & have faith. Is not easy though,but do tell her.

  26. Cathy Avatar

    You better let her know and decide if she wants to stay, so as to not later regret or face betrayal of any kind which i know would be a worse feeling.

  27. mtchell Avatar
    mtchell

    Williams pls tell ur girl the truth before marriage,its very important and remember that there are girls out there that already knows that they can’t bear children,God can make u meet one of them and they would b so glad to marry u and then adoption will not b a problem to both of u.

    1. Blessing Avatar

      I agree wit u mtchell 2 wat willams is faced wit,we were askd 2 cover a documentary @ sch on ppl living wit hiv,during my interaction wit 1 of d carieer,she said,she told her fiancee’ who was 2 marry her of her status n he flewed away witout knowin dat there’s tendency of d opposite sex getting married n bearing children witout being infected if they cld go seeing d doctor 4 preventiv method b4 sex.Wat am applyin is,if there is love williams wil find sm1 2 marry likewise d hiv carieers.

  28. Ese Avatar
    Ese

    Please tell her the truth. If she leaves because u said the truth, then she wasn’t meant for u. Maybe ur singular act of being sincere can cause a miracle for u.

  29. Queen Avatar
    Queen

    He should tell her d truth and if she walks away,she wasn’t meant 4 him. D lady meant 4 him will stick around no matter what!Low sperm count does nt mean u are impotent;u could father a child someday!

  30. Grayce Avatar
    Grayce

    tell her before its too late..ud rather she leaves u for what you are which is not ure fault than marry u for what she supposes u are and then in the marriage she leaves u and starts having extra marrital affairs..BE WISE my brother…let her know..if she really loved u, she wouldnt mind..BUT if she wouldnt stay with u cos of that, u may show her the door..yes ure nt getting any younger..Patience pains; BUT is pays in the long run..u will find someone..we all have problems..te issue is who will accept u for u?dont out of desperation pave a way for heartbreak..and sotp going an extra mile for girls..just be gentle and be nice..dont be extra..or they may end up liking u for what u have no longer who u are…IM a girl and this is what I see in my friends and my dear; u dont wanna be hurt

  31. Maria Avatar
    Maria

    you can fool SOME people ALL the time, you can fool ALL the people SOMETIMES, but my brother you cannot fool ALL the people ALL the time.
    You cannot claim to love somebody and want to marry that special person who brings you so much joy, and deliberately condemn that person to a life of childlessness and a life of sorrow, especially without their consent. YOU HAVE A MORAL AND CIVIC DUTY TO COME CLEAN.
    May GOD be your strength.

  32. anansthesia Avatar
    anansthesia

    ‎u shuld tell her.cus if she finds out by her self, she mite leave ‎u as its wat ‎u re scared of.

  33. Lizzy Avatar
    Lizzy

    Well williams everybody says u shld tell her nd I quite agree with them but two things r involed here cuz if u tell her its either she leaves or stays if she leaves don’t give up on her cuz as a lady she deff will b angry at first but when love overshadows anger u can expect the best nd if she stays then u r lucky so d only tin left for u to do is for the both of you to pray hard nd cry out to God(d bible says taste nd see dat the lord is good) nd I bet u, u will share ur testimony. So wish u all d best

  34. oby Avatar
    oby

    U kn wat u hav 2 do, u hav no right 2 hold her faith, u hav 2 let her decide, u neva kn she might suprise u. Its not not child bearin its easy not all women wnt 2  thru d pain

  35. Nonye Avatar
    Nonye

    Yes, it isnt easy bt d truth is always better. God is still God. Work hard to perfect oda parts of ur life. Use d charms n charisma God has given u to make urself irresistible. Faith in God never fails, control ha wth prayas n u wil marvel at d results.

  36. Tolulope Avatar
    Tolulope

    Will, I suggest you tell your gf about your health challenge. This issue goes beyond love and it is natural for ladies to take off when they hear such cos naturally every eye is in d woman after marriage and its difficult for any woman to explain dat her husband is d problematic one. I can only suggest you trust God for a miracle and pray for d right partner. Trust me, when God is involved, impossibilities become possible. Trust him to give you the right person and m sure this would become a challenge of the past. Stay strong Will

  37. pattyclues Avatar

    i think τhξ best thing  you to do ļş to let her know about U̶̲̥̅̊
    Ȓ condition, life itself ļş a risk, just tell her, she might decide to stick with you forever, U̶̲̥̅̊
    never can tell.

  38. Nony Avatar
    Nony

    Dear William,
    I feel ur pain very much. I can understand how difficult it is for U to make this decision. But the right thing to do is for U to open up to ur girlfriend now before it gets too late. If u hide the truth from her, she would get to know later on and it might lead to a divorce. Pls open up to her and also go for help in specialised hospitals. With God on ur side, U wuld surely overcome….
    Yours’ Sincerely….

  39. Uray Avatar
    Uray

    Its better you tell her because not disclosing such medical details is a ground for annulment. Also you can visit fertility hospitals (Nordica fertility Center) are good at such.

  40. choice Avatar
    choice

    I advise u tell her so, she could make her own choice. Cos, if u marry her and she is unable to bear a child ur family, mostly ur mother won’t know the fault is 4rm u as, they will be quarelling n calling her names. N u too should go n treat urself no woman wants to be barren. It has a cure.

  41. MJ Avatar
    MJ

    D fact that u av a low sperm count does not make u impotent. It can b treated both medically n thru herbal drugs.
    I think u shud let ur gf knw ur condition b4 ur planned proposal, am sure there r alot of girls out there who wud marry u, not withstandin ur condition, and u can only find out if she’s one of them by lettin her knw abt ur condition. Who knws she might decide to go ahead wit marryin u n later u both can search 4 solutions to the problem. Becos, nothin stops her from resentin or even divorcin u when she finds out durin d course of ur marriage.
    Also, there is no need rushin into a marriage cos of ur age, because u might also rush out of it, if care is not taken. All d best wit ur search 4 d right woman 4 u.

  42. vivian Avatar
    vivian

    We all know what you are passing through, but it will do no good if you keep it away from her. what if she finds out after wedding her, what do you think her reaction will be. let her know and if she truly loves you, she will definitely stay no matter the situation, i believe love can swallow any problem no matter how big, may God see you through and keep trusting him he will surprise you one day.

  43. marytatian Avatar
    marytatian

    Tell her or better still marry a single mother,or a a divocee with children/child, who is no longer interested in giving birth then you can always adopt. …. Cheers

  44. chicwtprettyface Avatar
    chicwtprettyface

    I think you should tell her, a woman that loves u wl not be bothered with ur circumstance thats why we have IVF and so n, I have lots of friends like that and they have kids already thru the procedure, once ur sex life is not affected, God will surprise u

  45. D.bby Avatar
    D.bby

    Oh dear, I feel ur plight..not witstandin, I sugest u tel ur gf, odawise, it wil becum mariage contracted outa deciet, and she wil b justified leavin u on d longrun..trust God.

  46. Patrick M. Ezechukwu Avatar
    Patrick M. Ezechukwu

    Look william, do u know ur problem? 1st u have no faith, 2nd u have not commit ur problem to God & ask him to give u the right woman, 3rd u go for this flashe girls who believe that life is full of roses. You can’t get a good result with this step.except u tell ur self the truth & change. Im a man like u looking 4 a woman to marry, but she most accept me for whom i am & not for what i am.
    Solution: Now listing, 1st believe that u dont have low sperm count. (To be contenue in the next step)

  47. Patrick M. Ezechukwu Avatar
    Patrick M. Ezechukwu

    2nd tall God to change ur problem according to ur faith. 3rd go to SCOAN & meet prophate T.B Joshia to pray for you ur problem will be over. Tell her the truth, if she lives u thank God, than ask God for the right person, & go 4 the woman that will accept u for whom u are & not for what u are. I wish u good luck, bya.

  48. kaylie Avatar
    kaylie

    Please tell her o.I knew someone who dated an Asmatic patient and that was becos GE told her. So u never can tell. Your case can’t b different.

  49. EPOSI IKOME Avatar
    EPOSI IKOME

    i wish u tell her the truth, if she’s de woman kept for u by God she’ll understand and together u people will find a solution, there are many ways to have a child now, u’ll pick up de right choice, courage man!!

  50. Nnenna Avatar
    Nnenna

    Be courageos and tell her the truth, if she really loves you, she will stay, because if does not love you for who you are and after the marriage she will definetly left you, and that will be more dangerous for your heart.

  51. Ola Avatar
    Ola

    Hv faith, nd b prayerful…… Der is notin 2 big 4 God 2 do. Ok. I luv bcos u r truthful. Tel God al ur worries…. Can we b friends????????? Here is my num. 08130460111

  52. funmibi Avatar

    All things worketh 2geda 2dos that believe,ur case is just a dis ease meaning something discomforting ur body emotionally,physically,spiritually.n 2tak it off u is a strong faith n belivin in God,speak confess it 2d shame of d devil dat u dnt av low sperm count n besides tellin d truth wud go a long way.by his stripes we were healed so u arnt excluded from d healing cus der is a balm in gilead n u shal bear ur own children from ur wife,ur sperm will fertilize n u shall have ur baby,believe dear with no doubt in ur heart.

  53. Tonia nneka Avatar
    Tonia nneka

    @Alasha I don’t think any woman will poposely wish to adopt a baby just like that or will wish not to have a baby .well my brothet I understand what ur going through but u must tell ur wife to be if u want to be happy with that marriage I was a victim though not ur type of storry my fiance worked away because I told him the truth I believe who ever is for u is for u period.

  54. Tonia nneka Avatar
    Tonia nneka

    @Alasha I don’t think any woman will poposely wish to adopt a baby just like that or will wish not to have a baby .well my brother I understand what ur going through but u must tell ur wife to be if u want to be happy with that marriage I was a victim though not ur type of storry my fiance worked away because I told him the truth I believe who ever is for u is for u period.

  55. olucute Avatar
    olucute

    i will like u to open up to her now before it will too late, people use to say a problem shared is a problem half solved, u know she may be the solution to your problem; she may have someone who will cure you of that sickness or she may join faith with ur faith and God will answer ur prayer. pls don’t be afriad the one that is ur own will stay no matta what. remember from ur mother’s womb God knows what u are going to pass through in life and also know the way out; if only you can trust him for your healing for he said he will turn ur captivity. if u hv not given ur life to Christ do it now and seperate urself from any ungodly relationship and look up to him alone for ur healing. “for she who will come will come it shall not tarry.”

  56. charyz Avatar
    charyz

    Please prove to her that you truely love her by simply telling her the truth. if she loves you and have faith in God, she will stay

  57. Rose Avatar
    Rose

    Please tell her my dear, as for me I would never have a problem with that but every woman is different. As long she loves you she was under stand, remember there’s nothing thats impossible in God eyse. have faith

  58. nelly Avatar
    nelly

    There are a variety of nutritional supplements, as well as vitamins and minerals that are thought to help with a low sperm count. Maintaining a high protein, low-fat diet that is rich in vegetables and whole grains may help, as well. Like:
    Citrus Fruits
    Antioxidants like the vitamin C found in citrus fruits can increase sperm count. Orange or grapefruit juice that contains 100 percent fruit juice will provide the same effect. Males who aren’t big juice drinkers can try squeezing fresh lemon juice into their water.
    Tomatoes
    Tomatoes contain lycopene which also raises sperm count. Since lycopene is also found in ketchup and marinara sauces, most men won’t need much encouragement to add this to their diet.
    Beans
    A zinc deficiency is one of the leading causes of male infertility. Beans are a versatile, vegetarian source of zinc. To avoid food boredom, get creative with bean dishes. Try making chicken burritos or tacos with black beans, turkey chili with pinto beans, hummus (which is made from garbanzo beans) or lentil soup.
    Nuts
    Nuts are great for raising sperm count because they contain zinc and the antioxidant vitamin E—both of which can raise sperm counts. Try to have a handful of unsalted nuts like almonds every day.
    Oysters
    Oysters are one of the best sources of zinc. Hitting up the raw bar a few times prior to conception might increase your chances. Too much zinc can be problematic, so stay around the recommended amount of 15 mg per day for adult males according to the Mayo Clinic. A 2-oz. serving of oysters is close to the recommended daily amount.
    Meat
    Red meat and turkey are other sources of zinc. Neither contain as much as oysters, but they may be easier to consume on a regular basis. Consume fresh turkey because processed deli meats are high in salt and other preservatives. Since red meat is high in saturated fat, stick to just one serving of lean-cut red meat per week.
    Barley
    Barley is a healthy, vegetarian source of zinc. It’s also an economical food. A 16-oz. bag of pearled barley sells for around $2 in most grocery stores. Instant varieties are available for people who don’t like to cook.
    Tuna
    Tuna contains selenium, which is known to increase sperm count. People who consume tuna on a regular basis should stick with canned tuna. It contains less mercury than fresh tuna.
    Eggs
    Eggs contain two ingredients known to raise sperm count—vitamin B12 and selenium. Since it’s often hard to find the time for a sit-down breakfast, hard boil eggs the night before and take them on the go.
    Broccoli
    Most people know that folic acid is vital for women prior to conception and throughout pregnancy. However, in terms of sperm count, it can also be helpful for males too. Broccoli is one of the best sources of folic acid. Try adding it to salads or serving it as a side dish with dinner. Other great sources of folic acid include asparagus and orange juice.
    The timing of intercourse may impact a low sperm count, as well. Ejaculating less often, for example, is thought to help with low sperm count. It is thought that keeping at least 3 days between ejaculations is probably the range that you should go for. Avoiding excess heat on the testicles, as well, may be an important part of treatment for a low sperm count. This would include avoiding tight or restricting underwear or clothing, and avoiding saunas or hot tubs.

  59. sandra Avatar
    sandra

    i would advice that u tell her now.its better to face the pain of rejection now than to let her undergo the pain of betrayal and lies when u eventually marry her and tell her.if its true and genuine love,she will stick with u,even if she wants her biologicakl chuild,she can stil get it,by having a sperm donor or going to sperm banks

  60. nikky Avatar
    nikky

    william,why dont u go the hospital.its very common nowadays for men to have loe sperm count but it is treated in the hospitals togeda with some local herbs.i have a friend dt had it and after a thorough follow up with his gynaecologists,he finally fathered a child.so i will advice u to go see a doctor.if u see a doctor and he says its not dt bad,then tell her so dt both of u can follow a treatment.but if he says u cant for life,then tell her,so dt she will make up her mind wheda u will adopt children or not.COURAGE DEAR.God is in control.

  61. Herrietta Avatar
    Herrietta

    Is there anythn too big 4 GOD 2 do? No. William ur case is small case, just b on ur knels God wil surly mak u laugh.

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