Category: Talk to Steph

Hafsat wrote:

My name is Hafsat, I am 29 years old. I don’t even know how to start my story. I met this man 2 years back, he proposed to marry me and I agreed; we did the introduction and fixed a wedding date for Nov last year few weeks to the date, he came up with an excuse of not having sufficient money to get married in Nov we postponed to the tail end of Dec . He came up with the same excuse, we shifted ground till Feb all the while I kept telling him  that it’s not all about money we have done virtually all the necessary things we can go ahead and finalize , he said no. We fixed another date in March then to April again just one week to the day he called to say he needed 3 more weeks to get ready, he keeps postponing, pls advise me, what should I do?

TGIF SL Fabz, what do you have to say to Hafsat?

xoxo

#SL

Friend of shocked wife writes:

“Six years ago, a man (46 yrs old) married a 24 year old girl. Wife stayed back in Naija with the mother-in-law while the processing of her papers to join her husband began. After a while, no sign of processing again. After much pressure from the wife, the husband declared (after 2 kids) that he married her to be taking care of his mum who has partial stroke for 13 yrs now,and not to actually join him”. What do you advise the wife and her children to do now?

Lisa wrote:

Please can you enlighten me, calling your boyfriend to know how he is doing all the time, is it a crime? I met my boyfriend in February and he traveled back to UK in March and we started calling each other regularly.  I continued to call him and he wouldn’t pick and when he eventually picked he was telling me I called him too much, and next thing he cut off  and deleted me from his BB. Please advise me…is it obvious that my world is crashing or am I in denial?

Kindly drop your comments for Lisa

Happy Friday! This meaningful post was going round so thought to share with my SL Fabz also. Culled from FB Page – ‘Hit Like If Agreed’ —

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind replied the author.Here’s the answer.Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO! 

Have a lovely weekend.

xoxo

#SL

Adah wrote:

I am going out with this guy and I really love him. I stumbled on his phone and found out he saved his ex-girlfriends name as “my sweetheart”. I confronted him and he doesn’t have a good explanation. What do you advise I do?

SL Fabz, the platform is open, let’s help Adah out.

BG wrote:

Sincere comments on something very urgent that is  making someone’s life miserable. It is about dating between a Moslem and Christian – that might subsequently lead to Marriage.

SCENARIO – Man is a staunch Moslem and  Woman is a staunch Christian, also a prominent member of a church. 
Man is well established, neat, good looking and is desperately in love with this woman. Woman is also well established…and the man loves everything about her and also her sincerity, kind and loving heart.
Woman was born a Catholic but now goes to one of the Pentecostal churches that she loves.
PROBLEM IS – the woman’s family are adamantly against the relationship. They are not pleased with her leaving the Catholic church and they think she now wants to venture into the Moslem faith. She is willing to convert into the Moslem faith, and the man’s family loves her so much – at least 99.9% of them want to usher her into their faith. Man on the other hand does not want to convert into Christianity, but, bottom line is that they are very much in LOVE with each other, but the woman does not want to go against her family.Now, question is…….what should she do? Is it advisable to enter into such a union? The post she holds in her church might be stripped away from her and she might lose some of her family members. What if eventually, it does not work out…?

SL Fabz, let’s advise this couple …..

xoxo

#SL

P:S – Want to be featured on ‘Talk To Steph’? .. send your personal stories or request for advice to info@stephaniedaily.com

Ann wrote:

I met a guy through a friend, no he actually saw my pics on a friend’s dp and he liked me, he collected my pin and we started chatting cos he stays far away in Abuja while I stay in Lagos. We chatted for a month on bbm and I told him we need to see cos we’ve dated for a month via phone…all this while on phone we talked about the future together and all and he seems so eager and ready. He finally came to Lagos so that we can meet after like a month and 2 weeks, he has since been around its been fun all the way and we actually clicked and bonded but recently after like a month of his stay I sensed he slowed down and when I asked why, he said our meeting is now a reality and that back then that we have not met things were different. He says nothing has changed the future together and all that we discussed when we have not met…but we need to take it slowly… I’m confused! Why the slowdown? Note: its now almost 3 months that we met on bbm. Please advice me.

SL Fabz, jump in and advice Ann

xoxo

#SL

Hello SL Fabz, hope your weekend is starting off on a relaxing, stress free note. A lot of ladies write me so I decided to put something out there for the men, and for the ladies to share with their guys/brothers/friends. Remember you can always write me at info@stephaniedaily.com and your story might just be featured on ‘Talk To Steph’

Here’s  some RELATIONSHIP ADVISE FOR MEN culled Relationship Advisers

1. BE SENSITIVE: Women love men that are sensitive by nature. This can also mean openly declaring your love and not being afraid to do so where ever you are. She will secretly revel in the fact that you are so proud of her.

2.DON’T COMPROMISE: Women are forever changing their minds on what they want. You must be a master of compromise to make a relationship with a woman work. Men should have a lot of patience and be good listeners so that you will know what to expect.

3. TRUST HER INSTINCTS: It is known that a woman’s  instinct is usually pretty accurate. Accept that women are guided by common sense more than anything else, so if they tell you to follow a certain direction, they will probably be right. 

4. GIFTS AND TIME: Women love spending time with their lovers and getting gifts too. They love a man that gives especially if he is creative with gifts.

5. FORGIVE EASILY: Be forgiving of things that are said in frustration and anger. Never use them as ammunition in an argument later either.

6. COMPLIMENT HER: Women love compliments and can never get enough of them. You should however be cautious in dishing out too many, because they can end up becoming meaningless as well. You should look for a balance here. Build up her self confidence by letting her know she looks good, has made a great decision, or been a wonderful cook .

7. TREAT HER LIKE A PRINCESS: Women are dreamers and still little girls at heart. She desires to be the center of attention and you are the knight on a white horse rescuing her. 

If you are in love with a woman and she loves you back unconditionally then you have a relationship that is truly worth fighting for. Try and learn as much about her as you can while you are building a relationship; what she likes and does not like etc. When you start understanding her better you have a lifelong loving partner that is worth more than all the money in the world.

So, there you have it. Do you have more to add to this?

xoxo

#SL

Ony wrote :

Dear Steph,

I have been dating a guy for 4 years now, no signs of marriage.

Ony.

Dear Ony,

I understand how this can be frustrating for you. It would have helped if you provided a bit more details as to what is going on. My advise for now will be : There are a lot of reasons why one would want to get married one of which is if they are ready. If he does not want to get married, he is simply not ready. 4 years is a good courtship length, still it is all relative. Marriage is a 2 way call. It has to be established on love and mutual grounds and not forced by the other person. If he is not ready (in all aspects) and you are, and its dragging maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship and communicate about it. Again, certain factors will determine if you need to make an immediate exit e.g the depth of the love you have for one another, reasons for the delay e.g financial situations etc. Let there be no external pressures. The reasons for getting married should be considered, not because everyone around you is getting married.You first need to find out the reason why you want to get married.  You have to decide whether you need to marry, have to marry, or want to marry. Once you figure that out and talk about it with your guy, the rest  should not be difficult. All the best.

Let’s hear what SL Fabz have to say. 

xoxo

#SL