Category: Talk to Steph

Dear Steph,

 MY HUSBAND’S EGO IS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP. I met my husband at my office where we both work, when we started dating, it was supposed to be just a fling, so we kept it from friends and family, but it blossomed and we fell in love. When we decided to get married, we both agreed I will leave the company because it’s against the company’s policy for a married couple to work under the same company. Just a few weeks to our wedding, I got a promotion and my salary became double of my husband’s in the process. Now the company has given one of us 2 months to resign and my husband insists I do so because of our agreement. I know we agreed but we could use the money. I don’t want to resign so I asked my husband to resign instead, he has been treating me like venom ever since, we just got married, yet it is so sour already, how do I handle this situation?

Let’s jump in with some good advice SL Fabz

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Hi SL Fabz, let’s round up this week with a Q and A session, where I ask and you answer..

The question for this week is a tricky and delicate one; “you have been in a relationship with a fabulous guy/lady for a while and it’s time to take them to the altar, your church requires some things before they can marry you, one of which is an HIV test, it turns out he/she is HIV positive and somehow you are in the clear, what would you do? would you leave him/her or would you marry him/her against all odds?

Let’s hear from you…

Dear Steph,

I am a young girl of 22, I am in a relationship with two different men, the first one is my first boyfriend of four years, we’ve been through a lot together, we have plans to get married but his parents hate me and they’ve forbidden him from marrying me, we have broken up quite a number of times because of this issue but we keep coming back together. I entered into another relationship during one of our breakups, with a more mature guy of 30 years. He loves me so much and showers me with different gifts, love and attention and he wants us to get married as soon as possible. But I am still in love with my first boyfriend, he’s just a year older than me which means he’s not ready to get married anytime soon (not that I am in a hurry). I don’t know what to do, should I marry the older guy and leave my first boyfriend (not that I haven’t tried) or should it stay with my first boyfriend and hopes he stands up to his parent some day, or should I just let them both go, I am confused!

SL Fabz to the rescue. 

Dear Steph,

          I was in the US for five years getting my degree, I just moved back to the country about seven months ago and got married to my long term boyfriend two months ago. On getting  back from our honeymoon, my mother in law brought a woman to live in our boys quarters, she claimed she is her niece and needed a place to stay with her two kids aged four and a baby that is six months old. She is young, even way younger than I am, I felt bad for her and let her stay, I even took her as my sister. At first it was good and things were moving smoothly until suddenly the girl started becoming unnecessarily rude. She’d just barge into private moments with my husband demanding his attention; she started moving her things from the boys quarters to the main house without my approval. Whenever I complain about her rudeness, my husband will plead on her behalf and calm me down. I noticed my husband would steal away from the bed for hours in the middle of the night. When I ask where he was, he’d kiss me and just give me an excuse. I was becoming suspicious but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe my husband could be cheating so early in our marriage. I pushed aside those doubts and went after my husband when he left our bed one night. I followed him to the boys quarters and waited, I went in only to find my husband on top of his so called cousin giving her confirm akpako and instead of a remorse girl, I saw a girl ranting and shouting that I stole her man because I be Americana, she said my husband is the father of her children and that she is not going anywhere, my husband has been pleading with me but I can’t even look at him.
I don’t know what to do, I feel like it’s my fault for neglecting him for five years, this man has been with me through thick and thin, he helped me through school, what should I do?

                                                                                                 Oluchi

Hey dearies, please give your advice on this issue.

Bee wrote

You meet your best friend’s hubby with a strange lady at a restaurant
In what appears to be a compromising position
You know and feel that something suspicious is going on?
How would you handle the situation?

SL Fabz, Bee needs your advice..

Happy weekend SL Fabz. Have you ever been fooled by someone you met on social media or bbm? And they don’t seem to be what they portray online. Any interesting stories? let’s hear it

xoxo

SL

Dear Steph,

I need a solution, it all seems like my world is crashing right before me. I’m a lady of 28 and I’m in a relationship of about 2 years now.

I work with an insurance company and life has been good until my boyfriend lost his job roughly 10 months ago. And everything changed. I have been catering for him and myself as well since then.

He continually nags about not having a job despite his applications for a new one. And to be very honest this whole situation sucks life out of me.

So I decided to meet my boss at the office and I asked if he could help in any way. He accepted but requested sex with me and because I felt fed up with my boyfriend’s situation, I gave in to sleep with my boss but we had an agreement that it will be a one time stuff. I was desperate and was willing to sacrifice for my boyfriend.

Weeks later my boyfriend got the job and according to the company policy, employees must have a 3 months training before confirmation.

This situation led to my boyfriends being trained at my branch of the company, which is also where my boss that gave him the job works.

Just less than 6 weeks my boss couldn’t let me stay for a day without further request for sex and in the process my boyfriend found out the whole thing. He quit the job instantly and left town without a word. Doesn’t take my calls to hear my side of the whole thing.

I feel confused as I’ve only intended to assist but it’s all falling on me now. I wrote so that I can have a public view and advice on what to do. Is there a chance or anything I could do to salvage the situation? Please I need help. Thanks.

Let’s hear your thoughts

M wrote

Hi Stephanie,

I have a fear of speaking among my colleagues, thinking I’ll say something wrong to be laughed at. It has even gone as far as at the work place. I’m always mute when we are in meetings. Not that  I don’t know what to say but I’m  just afraid.

Would you please help me to overcome my fears especially in public speaking?

Regards,

M

SL Fabz, here we go, what do we advise M to do?

Please don’t disclose my name, after my last relationship with an Igbo guy that didn’t work out, I’d not been into another relationship for over a year. I met this guy he’s a Yoruba guy from Ondo state precisely. We got talking and fell in love with each-other. One faithful day he came visiting on a Sunday after church service at my house where I stay with my parents. He said he wanted us to go to his house, I agreed and we left. On getting to his house I lay on the couch feeling tired, suddenly he came lying on my body, I tried pulling him off but he refused and started caressing my body, breast, kissed me tenderly and passionately ,I told him I was ovulating, and he never bothered about it, thereafter we made love, after making love, my eyes got to a point and I suddenly saw a wedding picture in a frame and quickly requested for cold water, I was like maybe he stays with his brother and probably his brother traveled and on a second thought I thought it wise to check who was in that picture, lo and behold he was the one. I was shocked, and started wondering why he didn’t tell me he was married because he never wore a wedding ring, He pleaded with me that he actually brought me home to see for myself that he is married, that he refused letting me know because he never wanted to loose me. I then asked where his wife was, he said she went to church, saying that he stopped wearing the ring because he already filled for divorce that 3months into their marriage his banker wife has been a nag, tried several times to kill him with a knife, insulted his parents and siblings, harassed him in church publicly, that he’s endured for 4yrs now, medically he’s sound and she’s refused to take in(get pregnant) because of her career and so many things he told me that I cant say for now, I got angry and asked him to take me home, he noticed I’d seen the picture and knew that was the reason why my mood changed. After we made love I never saw my period for the next month, I told him about it first, we went for pregnancy test and he said I should keep it, that if I abort his child he’ll never be happy with me in life. Now am 2 months gone, he’d be seeing my parents in March this year 2013 do the traditional rights and marry me, am a career woman too, an Engineer, as am working also. Just last week she found a text in phone I sent to him as regards my condition (some pregnancy symptoms) I was having. My phone rang I picked and the caller said she was his wife that she heard I was pregnant for her husband, that am a big and shameless fool getting pregnant for a married man, that she’ll show me, and I’ll regret the day I was born, I never said a word to her other than “Thank you”. I called and told him and he said I should just calm down and not worry myself.

I’m so confused please help me, what do I do? Do I still keep to his word or let them be?

Confused Soul

MalaikainLove wrote:

Good morning Stephanie, I am a lady of a 32 years old and a man of 50 yrs old asked me to marry him but my family doesn’t want him, I really love this man. I don’t know what to do . I read your blog everyday and I must commend the great job you are doing. God bless you as you and your fans help me to solve this problem.

SL Fabz – What to do you think? Is age nothing but a number? or is this another case of love being blind to obvious consequences? Let’s hear it from you…MalaikainLove will  be reading this for your advice.

xoxo

#SL