Stephanie Linus Daily

Category: Talk to Steph

  • Talk To Steph: Is he too old for me?

    I got this email from a reader recently and it mirrors what lots of people are passing through in their relationships. The question of age difference is a serious one affecting lots of relationships.

    SL Fabz, read her story below and give some useful advice:

    Hello Steph, I turned 23 last year October and before I went home for the holidays (I study abroad) I prayed fervently to God to let meet someone because I have been single for like 3yrs. So I got home and started interning because I was bored of staying at home and on this day after I closed from work, I met this guy who asked to give me a lift. Fast forward to two weeks later, we bonded so well and I was so into him. I think I liked him.

    He loves me so much, at least that’s what he said, and told me he wanted something serious with me. I agreed and then he asked what my Genotype was because he always has a problem with that. I wasn’t too sure so I went for a Genotype Test and I was AA which means we were good to go. He was very excited. He introduced me to his Mum, Dad and only sister all within my summer holiday. I met each of them on separate occasions and they were very warm towards me (he’s the only son).

    A month after we met, I let him and we made love. I was a virgin and that broke his heart because he wept. Before I was due to leave Nigeria in October,  he asked me several times to marry him but I felt it was too soon. We had been together for just 3MONTHS!! He’s everything I have always wanted in a man. He’s catholic, educated, matured, a good Christian from a good home and has a good job. But the thing is I’m 23 and he’s 36!! For some reason I think he is far older than me. What do you guys think. Is 13yrs too much? Should I go ahead and marry him?

    SL Fabz, please give her some good advice in dealing with this situation.

     

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

  • Talk To Steph: All He Wants Is S**

    A reader left this comment in a recent ‘Talk To Steph’ post which I just had to share.

    Hi Steph, all he wants is sex! I love him so much and I believe he loves me too. But any time I refuse sex, we end up in a fight and that has become a big problem for me. I have tried discussing it with him several times but he failed to reason with me. I’m afraid that if I leave him, I won’t be able to get a better guy. Whenever I’m with him, sex must be involved. I don’t want to be deceived Steph.

    SL Fabz, please give her some good advice in dealing with this situation.

     

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

     

  • Who Should Resign?

    Imagine this scenario. Guy and lady meet while working at the same company (let’s say a bank). They fall in love and decide to get married. However, the company’s policy does not allow for a married couple to work in the same bank. One person has to resign.

    They are both aware of this and have agreed the lady would resign to look for another job. But the problem is the lady recently got a promotion just before the wedding where she would be earning more than twice the man’s salary and now she doesn’t want to resign. The man is adamant that she must saying he can’t be jobless. The lady is arguing that she shouldn’t because she has gotten a promotion and may not get this kind of offer elsewhere.

    SL Fabz, if you were in this situation, what would you do?

  • Talk To Steph: I Love Him But He’s Married

    Miss E needs your advice. Here’s her story:

    I am 28yrs, I’ve been in a relationship for the past 5yrs. Then I was in school and I met this guy who promised me heaven and earth. He helped me with financial support. After 3yrs of our relationship, he then opened up that he had a wife and two kids. I thought nothing was wrong marrying a married man. I was pregnant last year, I was so happy but when I disclosed it to him, he was so afraid that he did everything to convince me to have an abortion. He told me that he has not gotten an apartment for me and I can’t live with his wife unless I want to be dead. I agreed and had the abortion. In the process I almost lost my life but thank God for His mercy. After sometime, he came and begged me with money that he loves me that he only wants us to plan things right.

    What will I do? I really love this guy. It’s been over one year now and he hasn’t gotten any apartment yet. Many of my married friends mock me, telling me that I’m just wasting my time. Anytime I have the courage to tell him I am not interested again and we should go our separate ways, he sheds endless tears to prove his love and reminds me of all he has spent on me. I have people who àre asking my hand in marriage but I don’t love them and I don’t want to be an ungrateful person. I will be 28yrs by March. Please advice me, I don’t know what to do.

    SL Fabz, I know its very easy to be judgmental in this situation but lets try not to be and give her the best advice we can.

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

  • Talk To Steph: I don’t want to be deceived again

    Hi Stephanie,

    I’m glad that you are an example for women. I have been in relationships for 3 years with my boyfriend but my concern is about my future with him. Last summer in 2014, I had an issue with him regarding our future. His mother started to get him other women for him which was upset on how could he allow this in our relationship. When he traveled back home in January, some of my friends warn me that he won’t be the same person which was the fact. He refused to tell me what happened over there. He took me to his uncle last year before I travelled then in my head I understood that he was serious.
    After the incident happen last summer, we decided to split I mean Me who decided because I couldn’t take this anymore the pressure of his family getting involved in our relationship which affected it. I started to loose trust in him since he got back home so I started to check his Facebook and messages. I got so mad at him when I found out that he was chatting to another women. I asked myself what did I do wrong to deserve this. I stood by his side when no one was there. He gave me the key of his house that was also like my own because he said he got a house for both of us. We decorated together and everyone was amazed about it. I really treated him like the way a housewife will do for his man even though we were not married. Recently during summer I was so depressed that I lost so much weight while trying to move on. He kept on asking of me to chat or see each other. When I got in contact with him back. We started to talk to try to solve the problem but my question is I don’t want to waste my time with someone who is not ready to be committed to me. I was planning during summer to introduce him to my family to make it official and going ahead for the rest but since I don’t know his mind. I don’t want to have any attachments feeling even though we have a strong chemistry. Before I was so concerned about us because I have to consider him in my life but since I don’t want to bother again. I want to plan my life with or without him. What should I do? I don’t want to be deceived again and particularly giving hope. We are not from the same country. I am in my final year at the University. I am really grateful what he has done for me particularly in my education, he really helped me. He is very caring person and no man has ever treat me this way with respect.

    Thanks in advance
    Please help me

    A reader left this heart touching note for me recently. Please jump in with some good advice for her.

  • Talk To Steph: I Don’t Want To Lose Her!

    I received this touching email from a male reader recently who prefers to remain anonymous. Most times, I get emails from women about relationship issues so it was a bit different and interesting to read a man’s point of view.

    I must sincerely express my gratitude over this enviable innovative idea of yours whereby, helping people resolve issues as concerning relationships and other matters. Please kindly use your God given discretion to help in this issue.

    I’m 25 in a relationship with a lady of 22 but from the look of things, she’s really almost set for marriage and am not yet ready to settle down because of some yet unanswered questions.

    1. Can I really settle down at 27 or 28?
    2. Am the 5th in a family of 6, how would my family react to my decision of settling down soon?
    3. Though currently I have a job that I earn about 250k monthly but there’s no job security though am making other investment plans but on her end, she is just about starting her Youth service. Now, considering Nigeria factors, what if the job stops anytime soon what then happens?

    Recently, she suggested that I meet her parents for formal acquaintance which I did. I also presented a bottle of wine to her Dad. I assume she didn’t know what that means and I did not explain it to her.

    Now the issue is, she is totally the kind of a lady I want to be my wife but I have this fear that she might not be patient enough till the time I’m stipulating to settle down which is at the age of 30 and I really don’t want to lose her to anyone.

    Five years is a long time for a lady who is absolutely ready for marriage to wait. I have to ask you these questions: Have you proposed to her? Does she know you really want to marry her? Have you made her understand your reasons for not wanting to get married now?

    Have it in mind that the way you feel now about her may be different from the way you’d feel in 5 years time so it can be a tough one asking her to wait for you for five years. However, you are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. I’d suggest you take it one step at a time. Don’t rush things. Get to know each other better; concentrate on building your relationship, your career and impacting each other positively. When you are ready to settle down, you’d be in a better position to address this issue again.

    I sincerely wish you the very best!

    *Your kind and useful advice would go a long way in helping him through this difficult situation so feel free to share it.

    Do you wish to send in your question for our ‘Talk To Steph’ column? Please email info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’.

  • Talk To Steph: “I am seriously hurt”

    Thanks Steph for your intelligence in solving emotional problems. I am in deep pains. I just wedded 6 months back. One month to my wedding, my husband was duped and lost every dime he had. By the grace of God and my family’s assistance, we were able to conclude the marriage. He was living in the family house and after the problem, he had no money to relocate to another house for us to live. Currently, I am seriously hurt as my mother-in-law and brother-in-law accuse me of being the reason for his misfortune, that I’ve diverted his whole attention to me and made him a woman wrapper. They use abusive words on me despite all my efforts to carry on with responsibilities he was shouldering. I receive lots of humiliation from my in-laws and torture.

    Aunty Steph, please do you think it is wise for us to raise money anyhow and pack out or should I hold on to see if they will still realize their fault and stop their ugly acts on me. My husband is a very nice man but the mother and brother are seeing me as evil. I am dying in pains. Aunty Steph, please what do I do?

    I received the above emotional email from a lady who is in a lot of pain about the situation in her marriage. She is newly wedded and passing through a difficult time. Having pressures from in-laws is not a comfortable situation for anyone. My most important word of advice to you dear is to PRAY. Pray, pray and then pray some more. God sees everything and has the solutions to your problems.

    Secondly, living with in-laws especially for a newly wedded couple is not really advisable. You and your husband need space to bond together as husband and wife and make decisions for yourselves. I understand that it’s difficult with the financial constraints and I pray that God will make a way for you soon in that regard.

    Stay strong and look on to God.

    SL

    *Kindly give your advice to this lady in the comments section.

     

     

  • Talk To Steph: My Relationship Is In A Mess

    I received this heart breaking email from a fan, let’s call her Miss R. The subject of the email read: My relationship is in a mess, I’m loosing him. Naturally, I was curious and when I opened the email, it read:

    Hello Steph,

    I’m glad you have a medium like this where one can express his or her mind.  I’m having issues with my fiance. We’ve been dating for a year and eight months now. But I keep seeing him with different ladies and different pictures. Now I am scared because I saw a picture on his phone which had a lady lying down on his bed with a ring on her 3rd finger. And he told me not to come to his house anymore but if I ask why, he says he just doesn’t want me to come. I asked him if he wants out of the relationship but he said no. I’m confused right now. I heard some gossip that he is getting married soon. And he doesn’t want to opt out of the relationship.

    What do I do? Please I need a quick response. I couldn’t sleep all night. Thanks.

    It’s a very dicey situation and with matters of the heart, it is not always easy to give advice. But what I would say is this – Trust is the basis of every successful relationship and it seems it is lacking in yours. If you can’t trust the man you claim to be in a relationship with, its going to be a very difficult one. Also, the fact that he’s stopped you from coming to his house raises a big red flag. He doesn’t want to share his personal space with you and there are chances he wouldn’t want to share much more with you such as his heart and his loyalty. So I suggest that you have a frank talk with him, tell him how you feel and make an important decision in your best interest.

    I wish you the very best and hope you find peace.

    All my love,

    SL

    *Do you have any advice for Miss R? Please share.

  • Should I date him?

    Hello SL Fabz! Here is Victoria and she needs your help. Do read and tell us what you think she should do…

    ***

    Hello Stephie, I’d like to read the suggestions of SL fabz on this issue:

    After graduating five years ago, I only just got a job last year. It was a tedious wait as I come from a family of six children and I am the second child. My income is something the whole family has been waiting for to help in family needs and spending.

    The job is a good one and affords me the opportunity to travel to many African countries.

    Three months ago, my boss asked me out. He said he’d like to date me, but he is a married man; and when I brought that up he said his marriage is a very unfulfilling one, and he is tired of it.

    I told him, “no, I can’t date you.” And ever since then he has made my work very redundant in the office; he gives all the major work to my subordinate and has cancelled all my business trips for the year. Last week he asked my assistant to attend a very important meeting with him, which I was supposed to attend.

    Now I just sit in the office and I am largely ignored by him and giving no kind of fulfilling work.

    I fear he is warming up to sack me.

    Please what should I do? I don’t want to date him, but I don’t want to lose my job.

    Help!

    – Victoria

  • Who do you think you are?

    Who are YOU?

    Who do people say you are?

    How would your boss describe you?

    What do your parents say about you?

    What about friends? Or acquaintances?

    All of these matters, yes. But I would like to know…

    Who do you think you are?

    Describe yourself in one WORD.

    Let’s hear it!