Talk To Steph: I Don’t Want To Lose Her!

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I received this touching email from a male reader recently who prefers to remain anonymous. Most times, I get emails from women about relationship issues so it was a bit different and interesting to read a man’s point of view.

I must sincerely express my gratitude over this enviable innovative idea of yours whereby, helping people resolve issues as concerning relationships and other matters. Please kindly use your God given discretion to help in this issue.

I’m 25 in a relationship with a lady of 22 but from the look of things, she’s really almost set for marriage and am not yet ready to settle down because of some yet unanswered questions.

1. Can I really settle down at 27 or 28?
2. Am the 5th in a family of 6, how would my family react to my decision of settling down soon?
3. Though currently I have a job that I earn about 250k monthly but there’s no job security though am making other investment plans but on her end, she is just about starting her Youth service. Now, considering Nigeria factors, what if the job stops anytime soon what then happens?

Recently, she suggested that I meet her parents for formal acquaintance which I did. I also presented a bottle of wine to her Dad. I assume she didn’t know what that means and I did not explain it to her.

Now the issue is, she is totally the kind of a lady I want to be my wife but I have this fear that she might not be patient enough till the time I’m stipulating to settle down which is at the age of 30 and I really don’t want to lose her to anyone.

Five years is a long time for a lady who is absolutely ready for marriage to wait. I have to ask you these questions: Have you proposed to her? Does she know you really want to marry her? Have you made her understand your reasons for not wanting to get married now?

Have it in mind that the way you feel now about her may be different from the way you’d feel in 5 years time so it can be a tough one asking her to wait for you for five years. However, you are both young and have your whole lives ahead of you. I’d suggest you take it one step at a time. Don’t rush things. Get to know each other better; concentrate on building your relationship, your career and impacting each other positively. When you are ready to settle down, you’d be in a better position to address this issue again.

I sincerely wish you the very best!

*Your kind and useful advice would go a long way in helping him through this difficult situation so feel free to share it.

Do you wish to send in your question for our ‘Talk To Steph’ column? Please email info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’.

Marriage Relationships

Comments

January 8, 2015

Samuel Anyaele

Loss her or marry her. All your resistance is based on assumptions.

Assumption that you are too young to marry, assumption that your family will agree to that, and assumption that you might loss your job.

Life is not assured, neither are circumstances. Give yourself 1 or 2 years, in which she would have finished service and hopefully started a job. And by which time you might have laid some investments that could help in case of eventualities, try not to accomplish everything before you get married, if not what will you do with yourself after you get married? Leave some challenges and goals for when you are together. Communicate this to her. You will be shocked what can change in 2 years. 5 years is like a life time. Be prepared to be without her if you insist.

Samuel Anyaele
http://www.newsng.com

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January 8, 2015

Ugochinyere Diala

Dahs a very intelligent advice i must say @Samuel

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January 8, 2015

ifeoma Ezeokeke

Ur gal is jus 22 n u r 25! Wats d rush? Speak to her n xplain tins to her! U also nid to set up a bizness since u feel insecure abt ur job! U guys r sooo young,ur gal shud tink of oder tins(lik building up a career 4 herself)to suplement ur income! If she refuses to wait,den let her go!it wasn’t meant to b! N in d future u will get anoder who u will lv more!

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January 8, 2015

angela

I will advice u wait a year or 2years cos marriage is not a child’s play.

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January 8, 2015

Racheal Laye Edward

I agree with U aunty Steph!
Rightly Said.

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January 8, 2015

Aminat

I agree with samuel. You guys should wait 1 or 2 years at most 3years. Age is just a number, maturity matters. If she is ready, that Means she loves you enough to see a life with you and she can’t wait for it to start. Talk to her about the job issue and tell her your other concerns, she will understand.

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January 9, 2015

Reselyn Mens

The questn is 1.Do u reli fink dis lady luvs u de way u do? 2.Is she ready 2 settle down wit u if u shld change ur mind now?Well my bro,fink twice.Any woman dat insists a man shld ge married 2 her whiles she knws its impossible has md a clear thought dat its nt goin 2 wrk.if she can’t wait,then she’s nt redi 2 settle wd u.shine ur eyes.don’t force urself k.maybe God is moulding a better person 4 u.Good luck

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January 9, 2015

Priscilla Ololo

You can talk her into waiting for three more years, then you’ll be 28 and should have found your feet financially. If she really loves you and you guys are meant for each other she will definitely see reasons.

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January 10, 2015

anonymous

If u bliv it u can achieve it,anyways am faced wt kind of issue n bliv u me,my guy spoke to me n I agreed to wait,if we know wat we wnt we wont b running here n dere.its nt ow far my dear bt ow well.jst talk to her bliv she wl uunderstand bt mak sure u r also redy to marry her no deceit.for m we jst abt a yr to get married am hapy I waited.

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January 14, 2015

evangeline

whats the difference of having her now and having her in future?? you guys understand yourself,she knows things can change,she knows the situation of things,she knows you aren’t rich enough but she still stayed as a girlfriend so what made u think she gonna leave u when she becomes a wife? 70% of men made it bigger when married.the joy of marriage isnt compared with dating.cause she gonna be there to help you plan and be your strength when weak.do the right thing and let future think for itself.for the plans God have for us is of good and not of evil to give better days.says God’s words. do not worry about tomorrow..let it think for itself. you gonna regret it when a man that earns 50,000 naira comes nd marry her.then you will question God.do the right thing.
but first of all PRAY PRAY PRAY about it
goodluck !

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January 17, 2015

Mariama Denna

Please help me with I have a boyfriend and we been together for like 2 years and 9 months. He always cheating on me the last time he moved to another state just to see the girl and when I find out what going on with him. So I ask him I was like where are you now and he told me that he’s with his brother in Texas I was can of believe him but when I told my bestfriend about it and he told me to call his brother and find out the truth so I call his brother and he told me that he never saw him for like a year now . His brother call him and told him that I find out the trut and now he keep calling and texting me he was at my house yesterday he ask me to marry him and he was really sorry he don’t know what come over him this time and he promised me that will never happen again. He propositio to me. So help help me I really don’t know what to do??????

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