Stephanie Linus Daily

Tag: Relationships

  • TALK TO STEPH: Can I Marry A Man From Another Tribe?

    Dear Stephanie,

    I am an Igbo lady and I am in love with a Yoruba man. We met in the University about four years ago and started dating since then. I didn’t really think our relationship would last long, I just liked him then and I wanted to have a companion in school. But he has proven to be much more than I expected and he has asked me to marry him. We are both working and have good jobs but the only problem is his tribe. My parents have been telling me to leave the relationship for a long time but every time I try to leave, we always come back together. I said yes to his proposal but I don’t know how to break the news to my parents. They will never be in support of our marriage. What should I do?

    Oluchi.

    Dear Oluchi,

    Love is a beautiful thing, I must tell you, and I’m glad you’ve found love. Love transcends age, religion, tribe and many other social barriers we create for ourselves. I want you to know that it’s totally normal to find love with someone from a different tribe. However, I cannot tell you whether you should marry this man or not. What I can tell you is that if he is God’s will for you, God will touch the heart of your parents sooner or later. As parents, we want the best for our children and I’m sure your parents have valid reasons for not wanting you to be in this relationship. You should listen to them. But even more, you should listen to God and let him speak to your heart. Then trust your heart and let it guide you.

    I sincerely wish you the very best and I hope you make the best choice.

    SL

    So, what are your thoughts on this? What do you think Oluchi should do? Please drop your advice in the comment box below.

    *If you have any kind of situation you need advice on and you’ll like us to discuss it here, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject: Talk To Steph.

  • 5 Questions All Single Men Should Ask When Dating

    Yesterday, we discussed 5 Questions All Single Women Should Ask When Dating and I was encouraged by your responses. It’s good to know that we are taking our relationships more seriously and that we know the importance of asking questions before making assumptions about our partners.

    Now, let’s talk to the men today. Here are 5 questions I think every man should ask in a relationship before things get quite serious.

    1. What are you expecting from this relationship?
    It is crucial to find out what point she is in life. Women are very sensitive about this. Her answer may also be dependent on her age, for instance, the answer you get from a 30 year-old woman would be different from what you get from a 20 year-old. Don’t just assume that she is looking for the same things as you are in a relationship. Ask.

    2. Tell me about your family/ best friend.
    Women tend to be very attached to their family and friends. It’s best you know the extent of her commitment to them at the beginning. If she has a very close friend that she is attached to, that friend might be the subject of an argument later on if you are not comfortable with it. Also, her relationship with her parents might directly or indirectly affect her relationship with you in future.

    3. How do you manage money?
    Money matters are very important in every relationship. It could make or mar your relationship or marriage if that’s a plan for both of you. So be sure she can at least manage to keep a budget and not spend all of your money. On the other hand, she may be very prudent and be a better money manager than you so you can let her handle that aspect.

    4. What happened in your last relationship?
    This question applies to both men and women. Everyone needs to know this. Find out what led to the end of her past relationship and if she admits what her own faults were. This will help you both avoid making the same mistakes again.

    5. Can you cook?
    I know this is very important to most (not all) Nigerian men. If you are very particular about who cooks your meals, then you should find out if she can conveniently handle preparing you breakfast, lunch and dinner always. If you are OK with having a cook or a maid handling that, then it shouldn’t be an issue. But please don’t say you don’t mind whether she can cook or not now, and then make it an issue later on in the relationship/marriage. It also helps to ask what she loves to cook and if she is willing to learn how to prepare meals you like that she probably cannot handle.

    So, what do you think? What other question(s) should a man ask a woman whom he wants to have a serious relationship with?

  • 7 Things You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Partner

    Hi SL Fabz,

    Today, I’d like us to discuss a very interesting topic – Relationships!

    It’s totally natural for you to tell your closest friends about what’s going on in your relationship, but that doesn’t mean you should share everything. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy, and anytime you disclose private information, it is no longer private. You may have been saying a little too much to your girlfriends if you are guilty of sharing the following information too freely.

    Unless your relationship isn’t that serious or is just starting up, it is abusive, or you are definitely breaking up or getting a divorce, it’s advisable keep your mouth shut about your relationship problems to friends and family. In other words, if you are in a serious relationship or are married and you want things to work out despite your difficulties, my advice is to keep things as private as possible.

    Truly, there are loads of things you should not tell your friends about your relationship, but here are a few:

    1. Your partner’s income: This is especially for the ladies. How much your man earns is really none of your friend’s business. It is between you and your man and shouldn’t involve a third party, not even your girlfriend who has been with you since you were a toddler.
    2. His flaws and bad habits: If you tell your friends that your husband always leaves the toilet seat up or leaves his wet towel on the floor, they could blow that tiny flaw way out of proportion and upset you even more about the issue.
    3. The super intimate stuff: What happens in the bedroom, should stay in the bedroom. Never, and I mean NEVER, let out your intimacy details to your friends. It’s not only bad if your husband or wife gets to hear it from someone else, it’s just embarrassing. Only you can make your friends respect your spouse and the intimate details should be kept from even the closest of friends.
    4. When one of you cheats: Whether it was an emotional or physical affair, any acts that had you or your partner straying outside your relationship need to be kept quiet, especially if it does not lead to an end of the relationship. It’s common to want to vent to someone else say, your mom or your best friend, but that can irreparably damage their opinion of your partner. And while that may be not a bad idea if the two of you decide to separate, if you want to make a comeback it’ll be that much harder.
    5. What he thinks about other people: Everyone has their opinions about other people, both good and bad. If he criticizes someone to you, then he does it in the strictest confidence, so keep it to yourself or before you know it, that criticism could get back to the person he was talking about with some awkward consequences.
    6. Comparing: Unless you want your friends to think negatively about your partner, don’t compare them to others in front of your friends. We all go through ups and downs in relationships, it doesn’t mean you run off crying to your Friends about how your ex was so much better. These kind of things don’t go away, they usually travel to your partner somehow and it hurts them when they get to know how badly you talk about them and how little you try to make your friends respect them.
    7. Don’t tell your friend’s about your spouse’s past: This might sound like a nice story to tell about how you changed your player husband into a one-woman man, but to your girlfriends it’s probably a red flag. Once they know that your man has a shady past, they begin to expect the worst from him. If they don’t know about his wild past already then don’t disclose it.

    So, let’s share our experiences. Do you have anything you’ve shared about your partner in the past that was later used against you? What other things about your relationships do you think must not be shared with your friends?

    I’d love to read your comments!

  • 5 Ways to Make a Kick Ass First Impression

    In the first 10 seconds of meeting someone new, they are forming subconscious opinion about you. As human beings, it is our innate reaction to judge someone upon first introduction. First impressions are so vital!

    I think we can all agree that you only get one chance at a first impression.

    When entering into a new relationship whether it’s social, professional or romantic, it’s imperative to remember that changing someone’s mind is much more challenging than impressing them on the forefront.

    But is this something you can learn? Yes, I definitely think so.

    In order to have a great meeting and be remembered in the right way while cementing your reputation, here are some important tips on making a good first impression:

    1. Appearance – dress with purpose all the time! You never know when you’re going to meet ‘that’ person.
    2. Body language – non verbal communication and how you carry yourself is critical and essential to that first impression.
    3. Verbal – speak in a manner that is deserving and commanding respect. Avoid filler words.
    4. Non verbal – be an active listener by being engaged
    5. Give compliments – people like you more if you give compliments

    Do you have any tips to add? Let’s know how you leave a good impression on someone you’re just meeting for the first time.

    xoxo

    SL  💕

  • Talk To Steph: Should I Date My Boss?

    I recently started working at this company after being out of job for almost a year. I love everything about my job except for one thing – my boss wants me to date him.

    I don’t really like him as a person and he is not married. Also, I think he is a womanizer. He has been pestering me for a relationship from the first day I set my foot in this office. It even started right from the interview!

    Although he is not the owner of the company, he is the branch manager and can make any decisions such as firing me.

    Should I pretend that I like him too and start a relationship with him to keep my job? Or should I refuse him and stand the risk of losing my job?

    I’m very confused. I don’t want to be broke again. Please help!

    Dear Miss S,

    I totally understand your dilemma and it’s very sad that you got caught up in this kind of situation. You don’t want to date your boss, and also, you don’t want to loose your job. It’s a very difficult web for any lady.

    I will advise that you stand your ground and don’t do anything you know is not right. Also, pray about the situation and tell God to turn things around in your favour. You’d be surprised at how things will turn out. Your boss could just get transferred or even if you lose your job, you will get a better one! Try not to do anything you will later regret.

    Stay strong.

    SL Fabz, join in and give Miss S. some good advice in the comments section.

  • Love Don’t Cost A Thing!

    Sometimes it’s hard to believe the best things in life are free. But the truth is exactly that.

    Love don’t cost a thing. And neither do all the other truly important things that matter most in life. Such as Family; Hugs; Positive and creative people; Good health; Just being able to wake up to the sun shining in the morning; Our ability to empathize; Having people who never give up on you; Having good people in life who will lend you a hand…. and much more!

    Material possessions are great, but happiness doesn’t come from the items we own. It comes from a child’s giggle or your mom’s cooking. It shows up on a sunny day or seeing your best friend walk down the aisle.

    When it comes down to it, the riches in our bank accounts don’t compare to the actual riches we have.

    On the Make Me Fabulous show which has been airing on TV for a few weeks now, we have been emphasizing the importance of love. I can’t stress this enough. Love is the foundation, love is key, everything else comes after this.

    What are some of the ‘free’ things you really appreciate about your life?

  • #MakeMeFabulous: How to renew your love

    My reality show debuted last week. If you loved the Asolo edition, you shouldn’t miss this week’s edition for anything! You are going to see how important it is to cherish the love you’ve got.

    We get busy, that’s a given. We get busy with work and distracted by so many needs and ambition.

    And that is ok. But we need to create the balance, because there are people in your life who deserve your attention.

    Your spouse is one, and your children.

    So how busy is too busy?

    Love that ignites the whole family and seeps into the heart and attitude of the children would first begin with the couple who decided to come together to live and grow a family in the first place.

    Are you taking our spouses for granted?

    Maybe not intentionally, but we get so busy we forget to see what is in front of us. Soon our love starts to suffer and all kinds of challenges begin to show.

    One thing is important: take out time from your daily hustle every other week to spend time together. Find somewhere you can sit, eat and stare into each other’s eyes.

    No, it is not an ‘oyinbo concept’. Black couples too deserve romance.

    That’s the essence of #MakeMeFabulous; that’s the gospel I am preaching this morning.

    So tell me, what have you done for your spouse/partner/lover lately?

    Share with the rest of us!

    xoxo

  • Talk To Steph: The Broke Guy or The Rich Man?

    I’m 25 years-old and I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for a year now. He is not rich and doesn’t have a job but he is a website and Graphic designer and is still searching for jobs. I have been taking care of him and he stays with me but my parents don’t know he stays with me. He is God-fearing, loving and very humble but my parents do not like him because he doesn’t have money and because of his tribe too.
    I met a 42 year-old married man with two kids and he is very wealthy and likes me. He wants to help me in life financially on condition that I go out with him(sex). His wife is in the UK and only visits four times in a year says the man. I told my parents about it because I was confused on what to do. But my parents want me to agree to the man.
    I love my guy and he loves me too but friends keep saying my guy will leave me if he gets money or starts earning.
    Please help me here. Should I listen to my parents and cheat on my guy by going out with a married man because of money? Or should I still stick to my guy and let this man go? What if my guy does leave when he starts earning and I never get another helper like this man? Or will my guy stay and will my parents like him if he gets money? I’m so confused now… Please I need advice.
    Thank you.
    This message was sent in by Mariam. She sounds really confused and I can understand her dilemma.
    I’d say this to you dear, in no way is it right to have any kind of affair with a married man. Run away from this man as fast as you can and make sure you have nothing to do with him.
    Regarding your boyfriend, things could really get much better for him financially. Yes, some men have been known to leave their partners after getting some wealth, but that does not mean all men do so. You need to understand your boyfriend properly, and know the kind of person he is. Perhaps, he has some traits that makes you think he would do this to you. If there are any of such traits, you need to address them now and make a decision about your future so you don’t get badly burned.
    I hope this helps and I sincerely wish you the very best.
    SL Fabz, do you have any advice for Mariam? Drop it in the comments box.

  • 5 Ways To Feel Better Today

    We all love to be happier, don’t we? But sometimes, things don’t always turn out the way we want them to.

    Just in case your day is not turning out as good as you want it to, take a break and try one or more of these tips to make you feel better:

    1. List your accomplishments. Go on, write them down. Everything from winning the spelling bee to completing a project on time. Write down anything you can think of that you feel proud about. Look at you!

    2. Spend time with friends and family. Social time is highly valuable when it comes to improving our happiness, even for introverts. Several studies have found that time spent with friends and family makes a big difference to how happy we feel, generally.

    3. Fix your hair and make-up. When you look your best, you see yourself differently and that would surely make you feel better and more confident.

    4. Practice smiling – it can alleviate pain. Smiling itself can make us feel better, but it’s more effective when we back it up with positive thoughts.  A smile is also a good way to alleviate some of the pain we feel in troubling circumstances.

    5. Lift someone’s spirits. You can turn around bad feelings about yourself right away when you channel your energy into making someone feel good about themselves. It’s crazy how that works but it’s totally true.

    I hope these few suggestions would help you feel better if you are perhaps feeling down.

    SL Fabz, what do you to to boost your spirits, and make yourself feel better when you’re having a bad day?

     

     

  • 9 Things Women Do That Men Love

    The truth about women – and the men who love them – goes beyond how they look or what they wear. Sometimes, its the less obvious attributes women have that get their man’s attention.

    So, ladies, I did us a favour by asking people, mostly men, about what gets their attention. Here are some of the responses I got.

    1. Flipping Your Hair: Women do this better with a hairstyle that has a front or side fringe. It might seem very innocent, but men love it when women do that. Trust me. I know.

    2. Adjusting His Tie: Ladies, do you sometimes reach for your husband’s tie and adjust it, even when it really doesn’t need to be adjusted… Lol! He might not say it, but he loves the thoughtfulness behind that action.

    3. Leaving Some Treats For Him: Most times, when I buy myself a treat, it could be anything from chocolates to a rare fruit, I leave some in the fridge for my hubby. It’s not about the price of the treat, but the thought behind leaving some for him that matters.

    4. Getting Your Makeup Done: I know most men grumble when they are about to go out with their wives and she is spending the whole time putting her makeup on. He might not like being kept waiting, but he likes the fact that you put extra care into looking good when going out with him.

    5. Acting Goofy: Sometimes, its cool to just act silly and childish. Men love this. You could do a silly dance or talk in a funny voice and just make the mood lighter. This brings about some healthy laughter which is great for any relationship.

    6. Cooking Rare & Tasty Meals: Most times, women think that because cooking is something they do regularly, there is nothing so special about it. I disagree. Men appreciate the time their wives spend in the kitchen cooking for them, especially if the meal is lip-smacking tasty.

    7. Biting Your Lips: When done the right way, with just enough eye contact, you are sure to melt your man’s heart.

    8. Scolding With Love: Men can act like babies some times…. leave their clothes lying around, messing up the house with litter, scattering their clothes moments after you arranged it! They know they did wrong, but the way you react and scold them lightly with love makes all the difference to them. They totally love it (even though they will do the same thing again).

    9. ____________

    I’d love to hear from you SL Fabz. Tell me one more thing women do that men love.