Stephanie Linus Daily

Tag: Relationships

  • Talk To Steph: I do every thing a wife does but he hasn’t proposed

    A StephanieDaily reader, Ify, sent in this touching email:

    Me and my boo have been dating off and on for the past four years. We started in 2011, took a break when he traveled out for his Masters and got back together in January 2014. We both dated other people while he was away. He dated a white girl while I dated an older guy (old enough to be my Dad, age difference is 25 years) but it was actually a real relationship without financial benefits. So for me it was like dating a regular guy. I am a very independent lady. I don’t earn so much but I can take care of myself and pride myself on that.

    Anyways, my boo was mad when he found out that I had dated someone that old. He said I was a runs girl and that I had ruined the picture he had of me before he traveled. He still wanted to be in relationship with me and we started one. There were a couple of occasions when we would fight and he would bring up the past but with time that stopped.

    Fast forward to December 2014, we were robbed while I was traveling for the Christmas holiday and his car was stolen with all my luggage in it. I felt guilty and still feel guilty his car was stolen because he was going to drop me off at the park when the robbery happened. 2015 began and things have been very tight for us. We live together and we both make use of my car. We both have loans we are paying off. He has school loans, I have loans from the office. I have been the one providing for the both of us for the last 2 months but I don’t feel the strain. I do it because I love him. But I noticed recently that his temper is really short. He gets angry at the slightest provocation and says I don’t respect him. The thing is I don’t get where this sudden need to be respected is coming from because I do every thing a wife does when I haven’t even been proposed to. Every fight we have had this year is about me being disrespectful and I don’t understand it.

    I love him, but I don’t know if I can continue with this relationship with him being angry all the time. I’m scared he might get violent one of these days. Should I stay or should I go?

    Dear Ify,
    I know you must be very confused right now about the situation in your relationship, and I understand. Firstly, I’d like to point out that your boyfriend’s ego has been bruised with the loss of his car and his financial situation. No man finds it comfortable having a woman take care of his needs and that’s probably why he is taking it out on you. The ‘respect’ he is looking for is probably missing in his own eyes because he sees you have the financial advantage over him.
    On another note, I’d like to say that living with a man you are not married to is not the best choice to make. The fact that you do everything a wife does is no guarantee that he will marry you. I’d like you to think deeply about this and make a good decision that will be best for both of you.
    I sincerely wish you the very best and hope you find peace soon.
    SL Fabz, do you have any advice for Ify? Drop it in the comments box.

  • Stephanie’s Poll: Who Should Make The First Call?

    Imagine this scenario:

    A beautiful lady meets a handsome man somewhere. They have a great conversation and the chemistry in between them even at that first meeting is undeniable. They both have a good and comfortable time in each other’s company and feel their first meeting is the start of a wonderful union.

    After spending about an hour together, they reluctantly part ways, but not before exchanging numbers. Now note, emphasis on ‘exchange’. Lady has guy’s number and guy has lady’s number.

    One day, two days, four days, one week, two weeks pass after their meeting and… no phone call. Lady has been waiting patiently by her phone, with her heart in her mouth every time her phone rings, hoping its him. But he never calls….

    If you were the lady, would you call him? In such a situation, who should make the first call?

  • Your Ex vs A Party

    So, you’re getting ready to attend your friend’s birthday barbecue.

    Just as you get into your car, your phone rings. It’s the brother of your ex. Your ex has just had an accident. The brother of the ex, starts begging you to come to the hospital.

    The ex is an ex, because they treated you like dirt & left you (male or female, as it applies to you).

    After you end the call, you turn on the ignition of your car. Where would you go – hospital or barbecue venue?

    And why?

    Remember Chioma Nnani, the writer whose book excerpt I published a few days ago? I found this post on her FB wall and thought it would be interesting to share here.

    If it were you, where would you go?

  • Talk To Steph: He Married Someone Else

    I am 32 years old. I dated a guy for four years. He took care of me financially. I know he loves me and I love him with everything I’ve got but just last month February, he married his ex-girlfriend. He did all the preparations without my knowledge. It was two weeks to the wedding that I heard he was getting married which he did not deny. At that time, we were still dating.

    It is two weeks now that he got married but he still comes to my house and still takes care of everything just like before. He still tells me he loves me but he did not know how the whole thing happened. He said that I should give him time so that he can leave the lady for me.

    I love him so much I don’t have the courage to stop him from coming to my house. I feel like seeing him everyday so I’m planning to leave my state to another state to start a new life because I know it won’t be easy for him to quit that marriage. Please I need advice.

    SL Fabz, please give some advice to this reader who sent this heartfelt email about a situation she is passing through.

     

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

  • When Should The Genotype Question Be Asked?

    I was inspired to ask this question when I saw the issues raised on the last Talk To Steph post about Tayo’s Genotype Dilemma. She had been in a relationship with someone she loved dearly and fond out in the 10th month of their relationship that they both had the AS Genotype.

    You see, there is no specific length of time a couple must date before getting married. Some people have a two-month courtship, some have two years, while some date for even as long as twelve years.

    My question however is this: At what point in the relationship should couples begin to ask each other serious questions such as their Genotype? Also, apart from the Genotype question, what other important questions should couples ask each other as their relationship gets serious?

    Let’s discuss.

     

  • 10 Things Men Notice First About Women

    Have you ever wondered why it seems easy for some ladies to capture the attention of men more then others? Many times as ladies, we think its just our looks that gives a good first impression on the opposite sex. Wrong!

    Ladies, its time to educate ourselves a bit. Here are 10 things a guy notices first when he sees a lady:

    1. Your Smile: A lady’s smile is often the very first part of a woman a guy will see. A lady with a scowl on her face is not often attractive to most men while a smiling woman is considered to be much more approachable. Your smile is one of the most expressive feature you possess.

    2. Your Hair: You’d be surprised how much men pay attention to this. And surprisingly, most women get it wrong about the kind of hair that men are attracted to. I know a man who tells me a woman who plaits her hair or has it in braids is the only kind of woman he gets attracted to. For others, it might be different.

    3. Your Eyes: A woman’s eyes tell a lot about her. Any confident guy would want to hold your gaze for a while. A lot of information can be shared through eye contact. Remember, ‘eyes are the window to the soul‘.

    4. Your Body Language: Do you walk tall and confident? Are you slouched? Do you have an upright posture? Yes, guys do notice all these and it tells them whether to approach you or not.

    5. Your Sense Of Humour: A guy would be very keen about you if he notices he can make you laugh. But he will even be more interested if you can make him laugh.

    6. Your Body: Believe me ladies, this is actually one of the first things they notice! Most men have basic specs of body types they like. Big, small, curvy, straight…. When you stand in full view of a guy, believe me, this is one important thing he is checking out.

    7. Your Friends: It is very likely that you’d share some traits with the kind of friends you keep. Guys know this, and so will judge you by these traits your friends possess. As the saying goes ‘Show me your friend and I will tell you who you are‘. If you have loud, rude friends, a guy might just assume this is the kind of person you are at first impression, even if you are not.

    8. Your Smell: Oh yes ladies, don’t ever forget this! Your smell introduces you, and lingers after you are gone. The question is what kind of impression do you want to give with your smell? Good or bad.

    9. Your Style: Do you have a great body but dressed in shabby clothes? Are you wearing the right kind of clothes and shoes for your body type? Are your clothes stylish or just plain? A guy notices these things at first glance.

    10. Your Attitude: One of the most important non-physical things a guy notices about you is your attitude. No matter how beautiful or attractive a lady looks, a mean attitude can send a guy running faster than you think. I know sometimes you might be having a bad day, but try to be nice to people you are meeting for the first time. You never know who he might really be.

    SL Fabz, do you have anything to add to this list?

    Ladies, what would you say is your strongest point? What do guys notice first about you?

    Guys, what are some of the first things you notice in a lady?

  • Talk To Steph: I don’t trust her

    A male reader, let’s call him Mr S, wants some advice on this situation.

    I have been in a relationship for about 3 years now, yet I just don’t understand why my girl can’t keep to me. She makes me feel I don’t trust her when I cautioned her about undue attention she gives to her colleague. She calls and receives calls from him anytime including midnight, quite early in the morning and they chat all day via text messages. My phone is open for her to gain access but she locks hers with secret PINs. I discovered she has a third phone just some few days back and I do not have the mobile number of that phone. I’m really eager to marry but I’m so confused because I just can’t leave her and I love her so much. Please what do I do?

    SL Fabz, please give him some good advice in dealing with this situation.

     

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’

  • Age Is Just A Number! 7 Ladies Share Their Experiences On Dating & Marrying Older Men

    Permit me to start this post today by thanking you all for your daily comments. This blog would be nothing without your comments and contributions which truly brighten up my day, everyday!

    But most interestingly SL Fabz, its not only about me, but how you inspire other readers with your comments. Believe me, I learn a lot from your comments and I’m sure other readers do too.

    The last time I put up a Talk To Steph post where a 23 year-old lady asked if it was OK to marry a 36 year-old man, many of you ladies gave some great advice and also shared your experiences with dating and marrying older men. (CLICK HERE if you missed it). Today, I’d like to share those comments:

    Emma
    I really don’t see anything wrong with that. My husband is 20 yrs older than me and today, I’m happy because that was the best step I’ve ever taken in my life. But remember to pray about it.

    Ebere
    Age is just a number!!! I had the same problem you are having now then because my hubby is almost 11yrs older than me and we are happily married for 4yrs now. In my previous relationship, the guy was just 4yrs older than me but we were always quarreling & even fought severally. So I had to quit him before I met my hubby who is loving and caring who does everything for me. From my experience, I’ve realized age is just a number if you like d person in question. So since you like every thing about him, then age should not be the hindrance because that man will handle any challenge in that marriage maturely, since you are not matured enough to handle some situations considering your age. Good luck.

    Maureen
    I am 30 and my husband to be is 42. We are happy and love one another. That’s the key. At first I was really bothered about his age but not until we started planning our wedding that I felt nothing was wrong with it.

    Kendra
    My husband is 11 years older than I am and guess what? We dated for 6 whole years so you can imagine how old I was at the time. Presently, I’m 23. We get along very well. He’ll pamper you to pieces and love you to the moon and back. Trust me. #wink

    Cyndy
    My husband is 14yrs older than I am. Pretty sure you got the message!

    Karinate
    I am 22 and dating a guy of 36 and I love him ssoooo very much. Follow your heart, there is nothing wrong with the age.

    Aisha
    My boyfriend is 17yrd older than me…I’m not the least bothered about it. Sweety please say yes to him and ask for some more time to know him better. Goodluck.

    What do you think? Is age really just a number?

    What if the reverse was the case and the lady was older than the man, would you still say age is just a number? Let’s discuss!

  • Do You Believe In Love At First Sight?

    Guy meets lady or lady meets guy, and after they exchange some glances, say a few words to each other and maybe a light touch, sparks fly. Yes, I know of that and believe that happens.

    But falling in love at first sight? Hmm… Not so sure.

    I’ve heard people say they saw a lady’s picture and immediately fell in love with her. Or a lady sights a guy for the first time at an event and falls in love with him before even speaking to him.

    It is widely believed that love at first sight is not true love, but infatuation. I’ve never fallen in love at first sight because I believe you have to spend time together over a period of time, that you have to know each other before love comes along. But I’ve learnt a lot from this blog that my opinions might be totally different from yours and I’d really love to know what you feel about this topic.

    So, do you believe in love at first sight? Have you ever fallen in love at first sight?

    Share your stories!

     

  • Talk To Steph: Is he too old for me?

    I got this email from a reader recently and it mirrors what lots of people are passing through in their relationships. The question of age difference is a serious one affecting lots of relationships.

    SL Fabz, read her story below and give some useful advice:

    Hello Steph, I turned 23 last year October and before I went home for the holidays (I study abroad) I prayed fervently to God to let meet someone because I have been single for like 3yrs. So I got home and started interning because I was bored of staying at home and on this day after I closed from work, I met this guy who asked to give me a lift. Fast forward to two weeks later, we bonded so well and I was so into him. I think I liked him.

    He loves me so much, at least that’s what he said, and told me he wanted something serious with me. I agreed and then he asked what my Genotype was because he always has a problem with that. I wasn’t too sure so I went for a Genotype Test and I was AA which means we were good to go. He was very excited. He introduced me to his Mum, Dad and only sister all within my summer holiday. I met each of them on separate occasions and they were very warm towards me (he’s the only son).

    A month after we met, I let him and we made love. I was a virgin and that broke his heart because he wept. Before I was due to leave Nigeria in October,  he asked me several times to marry him but I felt it was too soon. We had been together for just 3MONTHS!! He’s everything I have always wanted in a man. He’s catholic, educated, matured, a good Christian from a good home and has a good job. But the thing is I’m 23 and he’s 36!! For some reason I think he is far older than me. What do you guys think. Is 13yrs too much? Should I go ahead and marry him?

    SL Fabz, please give her some good advice in dealing with this situation.

     

    *Remember, if you have a challenge in your relationship that you need advice for, please send an email to info@stephaniedaily.com with the subject ‘Talk To Steph’